New to Online Dating?

I have talked to many folks over the years who have recently left a long-term relationship or marriage and are trying online dating for the first time. With the stress and changes in our lives due to the pandemic, it’s likely we’re going to see a noticeable uptick in divorces in the next year or so. And therefore a lot of folks getting out in the dating world in new ways.

Online dating can feel both daunting and exciting at the same time. And going on first dates can feel fraught with anxiety and uncertainty.

I was interviewed for the February issue of San Diego Magazine, on Expert Advice: The Must-Dos of Online Dating, and offered some of my “pro tips” for dating. I’ve posted the beginning of the article below; please follow the link to read the entire article at San Diego Magazine.

Elena Gomez writes:

Tinder. Bumble. OkCupid. Match. The list of online dating platforms can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re new to the scene—on top of the extra anxiety added by the pandemic.

“Kissing became scary because of COVID. There’s less of a sense of freedom, safety, and fun in dating for some folks,” says Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, a sociologist and intimacy speaker.

Gunsaullus has nearly 30 years of experience in sexual health education. Along with the obvious safety uncertainties, she says the pandemic also amplifies concerns about finding a partner with financial stability.

And for those already in a relationship when the pandemic began, the additional time at home could be a reason why some couples drifted apart.

“Anything you were brushing under the rug and not dealing with in your marriage came to a head during this,” she adds. “There’s no way to avoid it.” But at times like these, there tends to be a lag of a year to 18 months until the separation and divorce rate increases—usually because financial instability meant those couples couldn’t separate earlier.

For those who are coming out of a divorce (or simply those who are new or rusty at online dating), Gunsaullus recommends reaching out to a friend who’s single to figure out the dating app that’ll best fit you. It’s important to have a clear idea of what you’re looking for in a partner, while remembering to take it slow. For instance, a coffee date can be an easy first step after deciding to move the conversation off the app. “A coffee date is a very informal, low-stakes way to get your feelers out and start building your confidence and skills around dating,” she says.

(Read the entire article on Online Dating Advice.)