Sex & Mental Health - COVID-19
Horny? Stressed? Grieving? Afraid? Lonely?
I had a lovely chat with writer Ashley Laderer a couple of weeks ago about what’s going on in people’s sex lives right now during the COVID-19 outbreak. We talked about folks who may have some extra time on their hands because of social/physical distancing and how they could still explore their sexual expression alone and with others.
Below I’ve quoted parts of the article; you can read the entire article on How to Have a Mentally Healthy Sex Life During COVID-19 here.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Though there are hundreds of uncertainties surrounding this pandemic, one thing we know for sure is that we are not alone in this. Many people are feeling lonely, scared, anxious, and sex deprived. It’s okay to feel sad and frustrated about what we’re going through, and this includes the change to your sex life.
“It’s legitimate to grieve what you’ve lost for the time being,” says Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, Sociologist and Intimacy Speaker, and author of From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. “There have been so many disappointments in the past few weeks…things canceled and [changes to the] lifestyles that we’re used to. Fear and anxiety around loss of human connection and sexual outlets and expression and everything that comes with that…those are legitimate things to acknowledge and grieve.” She recommends being mindful, acknowledging what is going on, and allowing yourself to process it, but not wallowing in the loss.
Get comfortable with your sexuality and address shame
All this newfound alone time can be a period to be introspective and explore your sexuality and get more comfortable with yourself. Sex and masturbation are 100% natural and “normal,” regardless of whether some folks still feel embarassment or shame surrounding sexuality. Gunsaullus recommends leaning in to your feelings and sitting mindfully with them, and digging into what the roots of your shame could be. She suggests asking yourself what you might have been taught about sex and masturbation from a young age, whether through family or church or school.
“You are a product of your society and how you’ve been trained around sex,” she says. “Do not blame yourself and do not think you’re broken or beat yourself up.” She recommends journaling as a tool during this time to help dig through feelings. This could also be a great topic to discuss with your online therapist if you have one.
Practice safe sexting
While physical sex with another human is out of the question, sexting, phone sex, Skype sex, and everything in between is fair game. This can be a fun way to add some excitement into your solo play and to get some much needed human interaction. Gunsaullus recommends sexting with those who you were physically intimate with before quarantine, if it’s someone you felt comfortable with and feel like you can continue to trust. While sexting doesn’t come along with risks of STIs or unwanted pregnancies, there is the potential risk of the texts, photos, or videos being shared — so make sure you choose your virtual sex partners wisely.
Gunsaullus says, “I’m a fan of thinking before you go into any sexual act, online or otherwise, ‘Okay, tomorrow morning when I wake up, am I going to be like, ‘I’m so glad I did that’ or ‘Why the hell did I do that?’”
That being said — use your judgement as you would in an in-person sex situation. With the right trustworthy person, you can have some very fun virtual sex. Gunsaullus recommends using this as a time to explore fantasies and use your imagination.
Again, you can read the whole article at TalkSpace here.